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July 2009

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Insomnia. its amazing.

"Death is peaceful, easy. Life is harder"

I hate moaning, i hate how this journal is probably going to be me moaning constantly about how crap life is.
I just finished watching the oc boxset.
Its taken me about 3 weeks but ive done it, spending all day every day in my bedroon doing coursework...
I had to watch something :P
It made me realise that no matter how hurt i was before all i really want is my sandy cohen, my edward cullen, my romeo, my prince charming...
you get the idea.
I hate being lonley it almost seems like life is pointless. without someone to share it with what is the point of having a life?
I was talking about the guy i like on saturday night and i just realised there is no point in chasing him whatsoever.
Its not him and its not me, Its her. she isnt even a girlfriend or an ex girlfriend, she is just a mate.
But the sad thing is the one thing thats stopping me and him being an us is her.
It makes me angry that she has no say in it at all, its nothing to do with her and she is the reason i cant see him :(
Im determined not to mope around "waiting" for him anyway im going to go out as normal and talk to guys as normal.
Its not like im ugly and cant get anyone else, i know this.
It sounds really big headed but there was a cute guy in the pub i was in on sat night and i went and sat on my own to see if he would notice i was on my own and come over to chat, (that sounds so lame but at the time it seemed a good idea haha) but before he had chance to come over someone else did. Then when they stood up to go someone else came and sat down.
Honestly i wasnt left alone for 2 minutes.
Confidence boost it was but it was also annoying as hell!
Im hoping the camden boy is out when i go to london next week.
Im stoked to go back to london, it feels like home.
I miss it sooooo much when im not there and the fact that im going down to see gigs, friends and pubs makes it even more awesome!
Just thinking about going makes me feel happier.
I get stick from some of my friends for writing a blog or journal or whatever I but i think its really theraputic.
even if this is my secret one that no one knows about.
I feel safe here, the only people that read it have absoultely no idea who i am and cant judge me.
I dont think i could ever be 100% honest if my friends were on here.
I love it
I wish i could sleep because i have soooo much coursework to do tomorrow.
I know i wont be able to but i suppose i better try...
xo

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